Life Coaching: Feel Better by Watching Your Words

Here are some quick ways to take control of your speech, feel better and communicate more effectively with more intentional words.

Be careful with:

– Never and always. They are extreme, final words.
– Break the habit of using the word depressed to describe yourself.
– Avoid the word hate. Again, too extreme and could even deplete your energy.
– I can’t. You might end up believing this about yourself!
– I doubt.
– I’ll try. As Yoda famously said, do or do not do. There is no try.
– I don’t have the time, or impossible. These are very self-limiting.
– I’m afraid not. Avoid saying you’re afraid of anything, even in this figure of speech.
– Just: “I just want to check in and see…” “I just think…” makes you sound apologetic and defensive. Take out the “just” and sound more confident, without really trying.
– Actually: “I actually disagree…” “I actually have a question.” The actually makes you sound surprised or sorry that you disagree or have a question, which may connote incompetence.
– “Does that make sense?” You want to check with the other people in the conversation to make sure you’ve been clear. The problem is, you come across either as condescending (i.e. they’re “too dumb” to follow what you’re saying – probably not what you want to say!) or you imply you’ve been incoherent. More than a little self-sabotaging.
– Drop “I don’t know” from your vocabulary. It’s a dead end phrase! And, I find that typically, the people I work with in Life Coaching DO know. (My job as a Life Coach is to help them really see and embrace that.)
– Other qualifiers: “I’m no expert in this, but…” or “I know you all have been researching this for a long time, but…” You’re trying to soften what you’re saying, but you’re also undermining your own opinion. Be careful!

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These simple swaps will help you speak more positively, establish better leadership and get better reception from others:

– Instead of I should, say I am choosing to, I would like to, or I don’t want to. This way, you avoid being the victim of your speech.
– When someone asks how you’re doing, instead of saying I’m fine, say fantastic, great or something equally positive. Say this several times and see if you’re not feeling fantastic by the end of the day.
– When you are agreeing, simply say yes. “Sure”, “all right”, “okay” and “yeah” sound reluctant.
– If you catch yourself complaining, add the word and – and a solution. So if you hear yourself saying, “I’m tired,” add “… and I need to get some rest.” “I forgot … and I’ll set a reminder.” You are now providing solutions, which spins even a complaint into something positive and forward-moving.
– Change your don’t to a do. Instead of “don’t throw the ball inside,” even your children will listen when you say “throw the ball outside.” Or, tell someone “I like it when you put your dirty socks in the hamper.”
– Instead of telling someone I missed you, just tell them how great it is to see them. Live in the present instead of associating negative emotions with your meeting.
– Always use yes, and … instead of yes, but … “Yes, and” allows you to work through conflict in a healthy manner and helps you move forward.

Positive words to use whenever you can:

• Certainly
• Great
• Definitely
• I can
• I will
• I know
• I will make the time
• I am confident
• I believe
• All things are possible

Speaking with power and intention creates a sense of accountability and commitment to get the best from yourself and others. Your challenge is to consciously avoid using words that take away energy and commitment from your interactions, and ultimately, your actions.

DC Life Coach Catharine Ecton

Speaking with power and intention will certainly help you feel better; this is one of the tools I use when talking about change with my clients. I believe that by working collaboratively we can change our lives one day at a time through Life Coaching. With the right tools, a few powerful questions and the intention to create something great, we can find the answers within ourselves … and get to where we want to be.